Darest I to be free?

God answers prayers!! I am free. And only now do I realise that I didn’t prepare for it. I struggled with a nagging back-of-the-mind worry that is not really intense but is always there. There always seems to be something occupying my mind (heart).I’ve been sweating, saving, planning and sacrificing to others for so long that I had settled into this routine and was unprepared to experience freedom.

To give this some sort of context, I’ll digress into a bit of my recent history. I’m in my 4^th and final year (in the name of Jesus!) of study at the University of Cape Town (UCT). I’ll graduate with a BSc in Chemical Engineering in December this year. [The details and miracles that are my academic results are another testimony for another day] The past 3 years have been a financial obstacle course for my parents since they had to foot my school bill (+R70000). My parents are lecturers at Makerere University-all Ugandans should know that that implies that funding my academic ventures was, to say the least, challenging.

Last year, I was worried about my 3^rd year internship which I had to do in order to graduate this year. I stressed, fussed and prayed about it all the time. I was particularly worried because I am a non-SADC African foreigner in SA- a bad combination. Plus Chemical Engineering is not exactly a thriving profession in Uganda. I thought it would be difficult to find the ‘right’ job. However, God had more faith in me. I got a chance to live and work in Germany for 3 months. All I had to pay for was half my airfare to and from Germany while everything-right down to visa and train fare-was catered for by the German government and UCT.

Like a typical human, instead of remembering this victory I moved on to worry about the next item on my agenda. I am part of a group at my church that’s been raising funds to bring Peruvians to SA. I began worrying about the difficulties that we would face. God, being God, continued to provide, making it possible for us to bring 2 Peruvians to SA. They arrive in Johannesburg on Tuesday!

Again, like a typical human, I stopped very briefly to praise God for that victory and then proceeded to worry about my UCT fees for the year. After the crisis last year, the fees were inflated and I‘m paying something like 15% more than last year. This year was more drama than ever. I had trouble with my registration academically and in my residence. I was about ready to pack up and head home when God, being God, put me in my rightful place, again.

I applied for an AU scholarship 2 years ago. After chasing the AU, various trips by my parents to Addis, knocking on people’s doors and worrying about paying bills and UCT fees for 3 years, I had almost given up. God, being God, never gives up and proved to be as faithful as ever. Last week, the scholarship deal was sealed. It covers my entire tuition, a return trip to home and a sizeable stipend.

I’ve been praying for freedom to live and to be without worrying about the details of life. I prayed so that even though I knew I had to face them, I could do so without great panic. I prayed that they would no become a dark cloud over my head.

So I sit here, tears of gladness streaming down my cheeks and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m usually quick to pen down my worries. I find it easier to share pains and woes. Now that I find myself in a different set of circumstances, I’m a bit slow in my response. It’s finally hit me that I need not worry because God really is greater than anything I can place in front of Him. I am free! I think this is similar to the unusual feeling prisoners have when released from bondage. What now?

Jesus the Christ, as written in John’s account of the good news, says that He came so that we (I) would receive life and life in abundance. Luke’s account reports that Jesus spoke of giving-mentioning that if we (I) give, it will be given back to us (me) pressed down shaken together and running over. The measure of goodness we (I) apply to others will be the same that God will use for us (me).

Once again, God, being God and being in the business of creation, birthed a plan and passion in my heart. He continues to confirm that He’s all I need in every area of life-not just financially but spiritually, academically, emotionally etc. And now that I know I am free, I know that I should, I ought to, lead others to this freedom.

“Lord, may I remember your grace to me and, even more, how important it is for me to extend this grace to those I meet.”