90 Days of Happy!!

Written on 24 October 2014

Hi.
My name is Clara and I'm addicted to sadness.
I am always worried about everything.
I have managed to convince myself that people are always out to see the worst in me.

I believe that when they see me they are poking at the holes in my character, appearance, speech, hair...

I always see the darker side of life.

If left by myself in a new city, I am bound to sleep in and hide from the sky not just the people.

I am a sad person to be around, as my family and friends can confirm.

For a while now, I have believed that God can cure this sickness.
I thought faith would heal me.
Then I grabbed onto another train of thought that told me to embrace me.
I convinced myself that I was ok and needed not to change.
Neither philosophy has proved successful.
So I am changing tactics now.
I am declaring 90 days of happy.
I will look for something to be thankful for everyday.
At the start, in the middle and at the end.

I am tempted to share this declaration with the world (yeah right. Like the world even sees me)

That may be useful at first but what happens if the attention of my world begins to wane?
What happens if no one notices?
This is my problem.
It is inside me.
It is about me, not them.
Papa, you and I are going on a journey, I hope.

What have I learnt? 

• There's nothing magical about the number 90. 
• I am not very different now from who I was before.
• There's good in everyday. Sunshine, laughter, people. Mostly people.
• I like cooking. Maybe I should do 90 days of new-to-me recipes.. hmmm. Can we bear the awesomeness. 
• the husband is a very patient man. I struck gold :-)

It took a little longer than 90 days. I lost a couple. Who wipes?

Strange things (89)

I've been warned against running too much because it messes up the knees. I can't do aerobics every day. I don't like them enough to commit to a daily routine. So I thought I'd to try swimming. I found a pool that's clean. I don't agree with the price or the fact that I can't get a weekly or monthly membership but it's a start. I went and did a few laps today. For someone who hasn't been in the water for almost 10 years, I think I wasn't too shabby. 

Eventually, though, I need to get over the fact that there are people who go to pools to watch others swim. I must ignore their sly smiles as I drop my towel and head for the pool. I must remember that I'm there for a good work out. And even when another lady jumps into the pool to do laps alongside me, I must remember it isn't a competition. I will not bend to the chants from the onloookers. 

Now I feel like it's more of a work out for my mind and self assertiveness [or whatever] than it is for my muscles. Will I return surely? It is a very clean pool... Ten years later and it's like I'm back in the campus pool with bored students watching. Life doesn't get old..

In other exciting news, we tried out another recipe today: chicken and mushroom soup. Yes. I made the bread too.

Services. Delivered (88)

I realised that I have a lot of comments about the way I am treated when purchasing a product or service. Perhaps, because good treatment is such a rare find, I feel I ought to mention it when I am fortunate enough to find it. 

Yesterday, I went to buy a fan [because the rain won't fall at my request]. My adventure led me to Capital Shoppers [again I thank the employers for being so generous with shopping vouchers]. The first attendant I spoke to was bothered by my interest. I seemed to be interrupting her midday nap. Her colleague on the other hand went above and beyond her call of duty. She packed the fan, helped me jump the queue at the teller and even offered to carry it out for me [it wasn't that heavy and I'm not physically challenged in anyway. There was no tip, because Ugandans generally don't tip. She was just being nice]. AbaCapital Muwangale!

On my way home I was surprised to find Mukyala Musisi's boys installing solar powered street lights along our village path. I was humbled that the almighty KCCA deemed us worthy of their attention. 

Mukyala Musisi, may you live long and prosper [I'm assuming that since the Lord Mayor is still trying to regain his position and power after almost 3 years of inactivity, this has nothing to do with him].

Back to School (87)

No. I'm not talking about the 2 hour traffic jam on every road in Kampala, as we try to get to and from work. Or the long queues at the shops and banks. The malls are finally child-free! Thank the Lord. I don't mind children. I actually usually love them. But those confused in-between-adult-and-childhood teenagers can turn anyone's moith sour. We thought we would pay tribute to a classic and decided to watch Annie. Sadly, as Yvonne said, "There was no fireworks at the end." Jamie Foxx is not our favourite actor. I don't think I like remixes of what I thought were beautiful grand old songs. 

In other things school like, I finally went back to Makerere for my transcript. I was very apprehensive and braced myself for a long tiresome bureacratic dance. Quelle suprise! I was in and out in 10 minutes. It had been waiting for me all year! Miracles do abound.  I am glad.

(Wo)Man of the match (86)

We had an interesting chat about responsibilities in the home. There was something said about different people having natural tendencies to take on some duties while other duties are not as natural. I generally tend to busy myself with cleaning and kitchen affairs. I'm not sure if it's my gender or personal traits that lead me to do this. I see dirt, I clean dirt. I never analyse it too much. Others, on the other hand might not see anything. Or they might consider letting it accumulate and will deal with it when it gets to their maximum tolerance limit. I like to move furniture around. There is always a better position for every piece. [I was once guilty of doing this at another's home and I broke a table - overkill!] Others don't see that. And we've agreed to be ok with that. In theory. The practical bits are still working themselves out. The point is no longer about who gets to or has to do what. We've set goals that we want to achieve together and we are going to work towards those goals together. Hopefully, each of us will find our way of doing things while walking alongside the other.

I had lunch with the girls. We used to be different, eclectic. That was the charm that tied us together and drove us crazy. When we grated against each other, we peeled off the crusty selfish layers, and exposed the more tender, more human bits. Pam said something about us evolving into the "Cashmere Mafia". As a slightly defiant tomboy, I would never have dreamt of the day that we would be sitting on the terrace, nibbling on cake and ice cream in a place that says it serves Italian Cuisine. We were set on being fearless, brash and harsh, taking over wherever and whatever we encountered. Now we talk about where to get good manicures and the latest popular fitness programs. We complain about the heat while we share tips on baking and hair products. We are those women we used to wonder about when we were younger. When we were forced to tag along to meet mother's friends, we wondered how they spent hours giggling and nibbling. Now, we bring our daughters to these meets. At least, we have somehow learnt to grow together even when we are apart.

Later, we went to watch the Elephants play against the Desert Warriors. While Bony Wilfried did go on to score 2 very important goals, anyone who watched the match will agree that he was just the finisher in each case. Each goal was a story of the cooperative effort of the entire team. Bony was the final kick (or head butt). The whole team worked towards winning that game. What was more surprising was that the start, Yaya, did not shine as we thought he would. He was part of the team and he played as such [a much needed improvement from their 2014 world cup attempts].

The day has ended. It wasn't about a single [wo]man of the match. It is all about us. Together. I am glad.