Check your mail, friend

Hullo friend, it’s been a while

I’ve been speaking but you won’t listen to me

I’ve been weeping but you won’t comfort me

I was hurt but you would not see it

So I shouted but you couldn’t hear me

I reached out for an simple embrace but you were never in that place

(I thought you weren’t interested so I changed my approach)

I asked, I spoke, I waited; but there was never a response

I joked, I laughed; but you never joined in

I asked how you spent the last 24 hours

But you wouldn’t spare me 12 seconds for a reply

(So I gave up)

I’m beginning to think there is more than just space between us

Maybe you find my style hideous or I upset you in some way

I just wanted to share times with a friend

But you were to busy, too bored, or too tired to reply

It’s 5 years (1825 days, 43,800 hours, 2,628,000 minutes, 157,680,000 seconds) too late, friend

but if you’re still interested, check your mail

14 hours, 30 minutes and 1000 kilometres later... (Time, distance and tears)

I find myself back in the comfort of the familiar.

Everything’s changed,

Yet it’s all different.

I’m falling on a cushion;

And also, grating my flesh on a rock.

I must have been awake

But part of it seemed too good

The rest was pain I wish to forget.

I find myself standing in front of the mirror;

Surprised by my own smile,

And scared by the bruises over my heart.

Can the same breath contain joy and pain?

Can the same thing bring happiness and sorrow?

I asked, I wanted to know.

Now that I know,

Part of me wishes to withdraw the request.

Truth is freedom;

Help my unbelief

As I struggle with it.

I find myself thinking;

Of the one that I left and the one that I met

The first, I know is a story that’s ended

Yet the lashes of pain continue

The second, I know, is a mirage

But my pounding heart is no illusion

I find myself at the window;

Standing and staring.

The thickness is filled by distance, time and tears

They bring me back;

This time they remind me of You.

You’ve brought me thus far

I trust that we can endure, no, celebrate more

Together.

I find myself drowning, again

In You