Thursday, 5 February 2015

90 Days of Happy!!

Written on 24 October 2014

My name is Clara and I'm addicted to sadness.
I am always worried about everything.
I have managed to convince myself that people are always out to see the worst in me.
I believe that when they see me they are poking at the holes in my character, appearance, speech, hair...
I always see the darker side of life.
If left by myself in a new city, I am bound to sleep in and hide from the sky not just the people.
I am a sad person to be around, as my family and friends can confirm.
For a while now, I have believed that God can cure this sickness.
I thought faith would heal me.
Then I grabbed onto another train of thought that told me to embrace me.
I convinced myself that I was ok and needed not to change.
Neither philosophy has proved successful.
So I am changing tactics now.
I am declaring 90 days of happy.
I will look for something to be thankful for everyday.
At the start, in the middle and at the end.
I am tempted to share this declaration with the world (yeah right. Like the world even sees me)
That may be useful at first but what happens if the attention of my world begins to wane?
What happens if no one notices?
This is my problem.
It is inside me.
It is about me, not them.
Papa, you and I are going on a journey, I hope.

What have I learnt? 

  • There's nothing magical about the number 90. 
  • I am not very different now from who I was before.
  • There's good in everyday. Sunshine, laughter, people. Mostly people.
  • I like cooking. Maybe I should do 90 days of new-to-me recipes.. hmmm. Can we bear the awesomeness. 
  • the husband is a very patient man. I struck gold :-)
It took a little longer than 90 days. I lost a couple. Who wipes?